The Shame is Real
I didn’t want to write this post.
It’s easier to share the little wins: hitting a savings goal, saying no to takeout, paying off a credit card. But what about when things go sideways? What about when you mess up in a big way — like adding $6,000 more to your debt because of a gambling relapse?
That’s where I’m at. It’s embarrassing, it’s heavy, and it feels like I just punched a hole through all the progress I’ve made so far. But I also promised myself this blog would be real. Not curated. Not perfect. Just honest.
So here it is.
🎰 What Happened
It started on a gambling app this past weekend — one I won’t name. At first, I won. That high of a quick win hit fast, and I thought, “I’ll just keep going a little longer. Just a few more spins.”
But I got greedy. I was chasing just a little more. Then, when I lost, I was chasing a way to recover the loss.
The deeper I got, the harder it was to stop. And just like that, what felt like a few bad decisions turned into $6,000 in new debt.
😞 The Aftermath
Not only did this bump up my total debt (which was already over $150,000), it’s also now increasing my minimum payments. That’s money I hadn’t budgeted for — and it’s going to push my timeline back even more.
The shame is real. I’m angry at myself. Disappointed. I’ve had moments where I just sat in silence, staring at the numbers, feeling hopeless.
But I know that staying stuck in that mindset won’t help. I can’t undo the past, but I can decide what I do from here.
🛠️ What I’m Doing Now
I’m taking steps to make sure this doesn’t happen again:
- I called my bank and credit card companies to block all payments to gambling-related companies and disable cash advances completely.
- I’ve removed the app and set boundaries around my phone and finances.
- I’m planning to reach out to Gamblers Anonymous, whether it’s online or in-person. I need support, and I’m ready to admit that.
- Most importantly, I’m recalculating my budget and adjusting my debt plan. Yes, this sucks. But I’m still moving forward.
💡 Lessons I’m Learning
- Addiction doesn’t care about your goals. It waits quietly and then shows up when you’re stressed, tired, or just looking for something to take the edge off.
- Wins can be just as dangerous as losses. That “just one more win” mindset? It’s a trap.
- Accountability is everything. Telling this story publicly — even anonymously — is a way to keep myself honest.
🧠 If You’re Struggling Too…
Whether your version of this is gambling, overspending, emotional shopping, or something else — I want you to know you’re not alone. These setbacks feel massive. But they don’t mean you’ve failed.
You get to start over — even if it’s the tenth time.
If you’ve ever been through something similar, I’d love to hear from you. What helped you recover from a financial setback? How did you rebuild after relapse?
🌱 Final Thoughts
Right now, I’m grieving the mistake. I’m also choosing to move through it and keep going.
I’m still committed to paying off this debt. I’m still tracking every dollar. And I’m still showing up — even when it’s hard, even when it hurts. It’s going to be painful when I have to make my progress update on my tracker and add to the $154,000+ debt I had just a week prior.
This journey just got a little longer. But I’m still on it.
📚 Resources for Gambling Help & Support
If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling addiction, here are some supportive places to start:
- Gamblers Anonymous
A 12-step support group with both in-person and virtual meetings across the U.S. and globally. No cost to attend. - National Problem Gambling Helpline (U.S.) – 1-800-GAMBLER
A free and confidential 24/7 helpline offering support, referrals, and resources nationwide. - GamTalk
An online community with forums and live chats for people recovering from problem gambling — anonymous and supportive.
