Let’s just call it like it is—June kicked my ass. Emotionally, financially, mentally… all of it. I’m doing what I can to stay in the fight, but interest, life, and shame make it feel like I’m stuck in financial quicksand.
Still, I’m here. Still showing up. Still trying. Even when I’m tired.
💸 The Numbers
| Category | Payments Made | New Balance |
|---|---|---|
| Credit Cards | $841.00 | $59,260.87 |
| Other Loans | $661.10 | $22,868.08 |
| Personal Loans | $1,155.47 | $59,168.94 |
| Student Loans | $114.07 | $15,142.02 |
➡️ Total Paid in June: $2,771.64
➡️ Total Debt Remaining: $156,439.91
🧨 Interest Is a Beast (And So Is Shame)
Here’s the raw truth: I’ve paid over $10,000 this year, but between the April relapse and compounding interest, the numbers have barely moved. It’s infuriating. It’s exhausting. It’s discouraging.
The only saving grace? Some of my hardship program requests finally got approved. That means most of my credit cards are now frozen or closed, and I’m not accruing new interest on a few accounts. But it also means I can’t use my credit cards at all—not even in emergencies. I don’t know whether to feel relieved or exposed.
💬 Real Life Behind the Numbers
There are a lot of small sacrifices I’m making that don’t show up in spreadsheets—but they matter:
- I canceled my gym membership and haven’t rejoined. Instead, I’m focusing on walks, cleaner meals, and free YouTube workouts. It’s not glamorous, but it’s free.
- I need a haircut and color—badly—but I’m saving up for the appointment instead of just swiping like I used to. That feels like growth.
- I still haven’t posted the roommate ad. Part of it is fear. My dog barks, has anxiety, and still isn’t fully trained. I’m scared of being judged—or worse, stuck with someone who doesn’t respect my space or pay on time.
- I had a few expected expenses:
- Father’s Day dinner
- A graduation gift and day out with my niece
- And a quarterly car insurance payment that hit at the worst time.
- I’ve been anxious about staying current on my personal loans—I cannot afford to fall past 30 days. That’s top of mind heading into July.
✅ Quiet Wins I’m Claiming
- Called lenders and got approved for hardship programs
- Didn’t swipe credit cards (couldn’t if I wanted to)
- Cut spending on beauty/gym to align with reality
- Still tracking everything—even the hard stuff
What July Needs to Be About
- 🏠 Post the roommate ad—imperfect and all
- 💸 Stay current on personal loans—protect my credit
- 🧾 Track interest saved from hardship pauses
- 🧠 Remind myself daily that progress isn’t always visible
Final Reflection: I’m Still In It
This month did kick my ass.
I’m tired.
But I haven’t given up on myself. Not yet. Not even close.
I’m working through shame, fear, debt, and exhaustion—one messy month at a time. If you’re in this too, know this: You’re not broken. You’re just doing something really, really hard.
Here’s to July being a little less brutal—and to building a future that doesn’t rely on debt to feel okay.
💸 The Numbers
| Category | Payments Made | New Balance |
|---|---|---|
| Credit Cards | $841.00 | $59,260.87 |
| Other Loans | $661.10 | $22,868.08 |
| Personal Loans | $1,155.47 | $59,168.94 |
| Student Loans | $114.07 | $15,142.02 |
➡️ Total Paid in June: $2,771.64
➡️ Total Debt Remaining: $156,439.91
The Interest Beast: Why It Feels Like I’m Going Nowhere
This part is hard to say out loud:
👉 I’ve paid over $10,000 this year, but between the April relapse and sky-high interest, my balances look nearly the same.
It’s crushing.
It makes me question everything.
How can I be trying this hard and feel like I’m standing still?
Interest is a beast. It eats away at every step forward. Credit card interest alone is dragging me down like quicksand—even on months I pay $2,000+.
The Invisible Wins (Because I Need to Remember Them)
- 📞 I made multiple calls to lenders asking for hardship support
- 🙅♀️ I resisted impulse spending (even when I wanted emotional relief)
- 🧾 I faced the numbers head-on instead of ignoring them
- ✍️ I’m writing this when I could just pretend none of it happened
What’s Still Not Done
- I still haven’t posted my open room for rent
- I’m behind on cleaning, organizing, and reselling
- Some days, I feel like I’m drowning in decisions and shame
What I Can Do in July
- ✅ Post that roommate ad (even if it’s not perfect)
- 🔁 Revisit every hardship application and call again
- 💡 Track every penny of interest paid to stay aware of what I’m really up against
- 💬 Keep documenting—because I refuse to disappear again
Final Reflection: This Is the Fight
This month made something painfully clear:
This isn’t just a debt journey—it’s a battle with interest, shame, burnout, and bouncing back.
It’s also a battle with relapse. April set me back more than I want to admit. But I’m owning it now.
And I’m not giving up.
If you’ve been there—if you’re there now—you are not alone. This is the hard part. But we keep showing up anyway.
Here’s to surviving the storm, even when the numbers don’t show the effort.
