When people talk about debt, they usually focus on the numbers: the balances, interest rates, minimum payments, due dates. But what’s rarely spoken about—and what weighs the heaviest—is the emotional toll debt takes on your mind, spirit, and daily life.
Right now, I’m carrying over $150,000 in debt. Yes, you read that right. That number still feels overwhelming to say out loud (or type out), but what’s even harder to explain is what that kind of debt really costs you.
💸 It’s Not Just About the Money
Sure, debt drains your bank account. But it also drains your peace.
It creeps into every decision I make:
- Can I afford to grocery shop today, or should I wait until Friday’s paycheck?
- Should I sell this item or keep it—do I need it or just like it?
- Will I be able to make my minimums this month, or will something fall through the cracks?
Living with this much debt means survival mode becomes your baseline. It’s a constant hustle—juggling bills, trying to grow side hustles, making arrangements, negotiating with creditors. Even when you’re doing everything “right,” it still feels like you’re barely keeping your head above water.
😞 Debt Has Hijacked My Mental and Emotional Health
There are days where the weight of my debt sits like a boulder on my chest. It impacts how I see myself. It robs me of sleep. It messes with my confidence and self-worth.
When I say I can’t afford to do something, I don’t mean it in a casual way. I mean it might jeopardize a payment I’ve worked hard to make. I mean my credit cards are frozen or closed, and the “charge it now, figure it out later” mindset isn’t even an option anymore.
There’s no more financial cushion—just reality. And it’s forced me to say “no” a lot lately.
🥂 Social Pressure Makes It Harder
I have friends who, from the outside, seem to have it all together—career, home, travel plans, brunch reservations, birthdays with big group dinners or gift exchanges. And while I’m happy for them, it’s hard not to feel like the outsider when I have to decline invites or chip-ins.
I’ve had to learn to say, “I can’t this time,” without explaining the entire backstory. But inside, it stings. I want to show up. I want to celebrate. I want to contribute. But every dollar now has to work extra hard—and that means making hard choices.
🧠 Hustle Fatigue Is Real
I’m not lazy. In fact, I’m doing everything I can to turn things around—consulting, reselling, tracking every expense, posting items, scanning receipts, checking apps like Rakuten and Fetch, applying for surveys and studies. I’m putting in the hours. But it’s exhausting.
Debt has taken so much from me:
- My energy
- My flexibility
- My peace of mind
- My ability to just breathe and enjoy things without calculating the cost
✨ But I Know This Won’t Be Forever
There will be a day when I submit my last payment.
There will be a day when I can swipe my card without guilt or fear.
There will be a day when I can say “yes” to a spontaneous outing with friends without checking my balances first.
That’s the day I’m fighting for.
Until then, I keep reminding myself: this debt may weigh heavy, but it’s not who I am. I’m not weak for struggling. I’m strong for facing it head-on.
📣 To Anyone Else in the Same Boat…
You are not alone. You’re not a failure. You’re not behind.
You are someone navigating an incredibly hard system with courage, strategy, and heart.
Keep going. We will get through this. One payment, one breakthrough, one side hustle at a time.
💬 Let’s Talk:
Have you ever felt the emotional toll of debt? What do you do when social pressure and finances collide? Drop a comment or DM—I’d love to hear your story.
